October 30, 2025

“Say less, ask more, and change the way you lead forever. “

Michael Bungey Stainer

Two of the most prominent leadership myths are that leaders are total experts and always tell others how to do it. Secondly, leaders who are great tellers are very effective communicators, according to their own ratings. These myths are foundational to low-road leadership and the crux of most organizations’ challenges, from families to schools to multinationals. This can be easily verified. Watch the evening news.

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Great leaders aren’t defined by how well they talk; they’re remembered for how well they ask. The skill of asking powerful questions transforms conversations from transactional to transformational, fostering deeper trust, engagement, and understanding. Research shows that leaders who ask more than they tell build greater trust, engagement, and clarity within their teams..Some communication researchers recommend aiming for a 3:1 question-to-statement ratio—three questions for each statement—to promote curiosity, learning, and collaboration.The Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS) leadership framework recommends that managers speak only 20% of the time and let team members do 80% of the talking by using open-ended questions starting with who, what, where, when, and how. In a recent Forbes Magazine article, “Want to be a better communicator ?”Ask more questions. The author Alexander Puutio writes, “Many approach communications as a one-way street, endlessly fretting over body postures, vocal tones, and choice of words. In reality, the effectiveness of communications depends crucially on the receiver and their interest, ability, and availability to engage with what is being delivered. In all of my years in teaching and executive coaching on leadership, one technique stands out as a true game-changer: asking questions. Charles Duhigg, in Supercommunicators, notes that the most effective communicators-“supercommunicators”-ask ten to twenty times more questions than the average person. These questions are not random; they are intentional, curious, and often deep, inviting others to share their experiences, values, and feelings.”

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This week’s Thursday’s Leadership Insight explores the gap in perceived effectiveness in listening and questioning between leaders and followers, and the power of curiosity and a framework for leaders to bridge that gap. The ask-tell ratio and the A.S.K. model are described to help leaders improve their questioning. The word wheel using What–How–When–Where questions promotes open-ended questioning and engaging communication, and questions to avoid. Seven benefits of becoming a curious learning leader are shared.

Recent studies in 2025 reveal a clear and persistent gap between how leaders and employees perceive communication effectiveness. Leaders generally overestimate their communication clarity, consistency, and impact, while employees remain unconvinced.

According to Axios HQ (2025), 80% of leaders believe their communication is helpful and relevant, but only 53% of employees agree. Similarly, just 27% of leaders think their teams are fully aligned with goals. Sadly, only 9% of employees share that view. This perception gap leads to wasted time, inconsistent priorities, and weakened trust. Pumble’s 2025 workplace communication report found that 86% of employees and executives cite poor communication as the top reason for organizational failures. Gallup’s 2025 findings emphasize that ambiguity and leaders’ lack of transparency fuel uncertainty and disengagement.

This gap is a gap that leaders can choose to bridge by using the ABCs of change

A.Awareness

Find out if gaps exist. For example, ask yourself or a trusted, honest colleague or coach to monitor your Ask-Tell ratio

B.Behaviors to develop better questions

Learn and act was to ask better questions

c. Commit

“The leader of the past was a person who knew how to tell.

The leader of the future will be the person who knows how to ask.”

Peter Drucker

Practical strategies to close the communication gap with better questions

1. Commit to an A.S.K.framework to develop and practice Intentional Leadership Inquiry to lead with questions means to A.S.K. deliberately:

· A – Actively engage: Listen fully, with presence and empathy. Active listening communicates respect.

· S – Seek understanding: Ask to discover, not to confirm assumptions. Curiosity deepens connection.

· K – Knowledge building: Great questions expand insight and lead to better decisions for everyone.

2. Practice asking open-ended questions using the process introduced to me by an early mentor, international business coach Nicki Keohohou of the Direct Selling World Alliance: The Word Wheel, an ongoing system of open-ended questions. What –How–When–Where in communication

Open-ended questions promote and encourage communication and connection. This can begin with the question wheel—four simple yet profound words that shape meaningful dialogue: What, How, When, and Where. Research in educational and leadership communication shows these question frames promote exploration over explanation, curiosity over criticism, and connection over compliance.

What invites definition, clarity, and focus.

How can we help understand the process, uncover learning, and understand work?

When can help understand the pattern, identify timing, and sequencing.

Where locates context and possibility.

Using these question starters helps leaders create psychological safety by drawing attention to ideas rather than accusations. It’s the difference between saying “Why did this fail?”—which triggers defensiveness—and asking “What challenges got in the way?”—which invites reflection and shared problem-solving.

Studies consistently show that open-ended questions lead to deeper engagement, richer insights, and stronger trust than closed-ended ones. Closed questions end conversations; open ones expand them. Harvard Business Review reports that leaders who ask open-ended questions build stronger relationships with their teams and improve collaboration outcomes. Research compiled by Innovative Human Capital further reveals that open-ended inquiry enhances inclusion, critical thinking, and collective intelligence in organizational settings.

Open-ended questions typically start with “What” or “How, where, and when” invite ownership and critical reflection—two essential conditions for learning organizations. A 2023 communication study found that these questions yield more nuanced answers and uncover underlying beliefs, fostering honesty and mutual respect.

One starter to avoid -Why

Why questions are for conversation and connection, except in situations that demand direct, closed answers, Chris Voss, a former FBI Negotiator, reports in his book ‘Never Split the Difference’ that why questions are considered universal questions of blame and judgment, as well as being closed questions, ending connections. Psychologically, “why” questions—though well-intentioned—trigger a defensive emotional response. Cognitive research and dialogue studies show that “why” often implies blame, prompting people to justify rather than explore their reasoning. In leadership, this undermines psychological safety, making team members feel scrutinized instead of supported. The goal isn’t to eliminate curiosity but to reframe it: replace “Why didn’t that work?” with “What made that approach challenging?” or “How might we try this differently next time?”

A.S.K.—A Framework for intentional open questions to build connection in one’s leadership practice

To lead with questions means to A.S.K. deliberately:

A – Actively engage: Listen fully, with presence and empathy. Active listening communicates respect.
S – Seek understanding: Ask to discover, not to confirm assumptions. Curiosity deepens connection.
K – Knowledge building: Great questions expand insight and lead to better decisions for everyone.

Leadership research aligns with this approach—studies by Kouzes and Posner (1995), Drath and Palus (1994), and Hackman and Johnson (2013) affirm that leaders who make curiosity and open-ended questions core to their communication foster learning cultures, shared meaning, and engagement across teams.

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Seven Benefits of Using Better Questions

Using open-ended questions within the A.S.K. (Actively Seeking Knowledge) framework—designed to promote curiosity, listening, and understanding—magnifies communication effectiveness. Open-ended questions invite dialogue by beginning with words like what, how, or in what way, and avoid yes/no answers.

1. Enhances Dialogue: Encourages rich conversation and more profound understanding between leaders and team members.
2. Builds Trust: Shows genuine interest in others’ contributions, strengthening relational bonds and psychological safety.
3. Encourages Creativity: Sparks idea generation and innovation across team discussions.
4. Breaks Down Barriers: Makes employees feel their perspectives are valued and safe to express.
5. Deepens Understanding: Prompts leaders to gain complete context before deciding or reacting.
6. Elevates Engagement: Increases motivation and ownership as employees feel heard and included.
7. Improves Decision Quality: Broader perspectives provide more thoughtful, informed outcomes that align leadership and workforce insights.

Powerful questions are a leader’s most underused tool for building trust, connection, and engagement. The What–How–When–Where wheel gives you the words to draw insight instead of defensiveness. When you lead by A.S.K., you move from managing answers to cultivating growth—one thoughtful question at a time. Leaders can narrow the perception gap and build stronger communication cultures by consistently Actively Seeking Knowledge—asking open-ended questions that foster curiosity, empathy, and shared meaning. This is especially important today, as leaders of diverse teams. multigenerational organizations,

The leadership question for you then is

Can you commit to using an A.S.K. framework and the word wheel to bridge the communication gap?

What is you’re A.S.K. -tell ratio?

Do you use open-ended questions?