April 3, 2025
Leadership is a simple yet complex and complicated journey. Many complexities of leadership are due to hard skills, while the major challenge is often people and relationships because people are complicated.
Leadership expert Mark Miller notes that leadership is “building people up and getting things done.” One of my early mentors, Dr.William Glasser, often told me, “Hackett, everything is relationships.” Leaders, especially great leaders, understand the importance of building solid, productive relationships in any organization. Theodore Roosevelt said, “People don’t care much about what you know until they know how much you care.” When coaching or facilitating, I often ask participants to share who their favorite adult, teacher, boss, coach was and what made them feel special. The participants list a variety of adults, such as their parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and supervisors at their jobs. A common theme was that these leaders lead groups or teams of people. The question about what made them special yielded a second common theme. The second common theme was that the identified adults connected with them in their job and beyond their job, teaching, or coaching responsibility.”They cared for me as a person,”” they believed in me,” “They pushed me to do more,””They helped me because they saw more in me than I did,” they taught me to be a good leader” they treated us all like we mattered.” These leaders, interestingly, were never identified first by their excellent skills or intellect. Skills were indeed identified, yet first, they were valued because they connected with those they led.Leadershipp expert John Maxwell often says, ” Leaders are people of value who add value to people.” These workshop participants identified their favorite leaders as people who demonstrated a high level of emotional intelligence or EQ. These responses actually verify decades of research on connection or EQ. Many have written about emotional intelligence; however, two authors have researched, popularized, and operationalized the concept. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves of Talent Smart in Emotional Intelligence 2.0 in 2009 and Leadership 2.0 in 2012 describe emotional intelligence in both books as a set of four learnabl,e refinable skills. These skills are self-awareness, social awareness ( What I see),self-management, and relationship management (What I do). Research by Bradbury and Greaves clearly showsthat emotional intelligence is a crucial set of skills for higher performance and productivity. They maintain that while IQ or Intelligence Quotient is undoubtedly important, EQ or Emotional Intelligence is a significant content skill of leadership. While Learnability or LQ is an element of leadership capacity, EQ is a second element of leadership capacity. EQ is a measure of how well a leader connects with those they lead and serve. This leadership skill of connection has been documented by worldwide research gathered for over 30 years and cited in the Leadership Challenge by Barry Posner and James Kouszes. Co-author James Kouzes noted the power of connection,
Emotional Quotient (EQ) has emerged as a critical skill for effective leadership. EQ is defined as the ability to understand, regulate, and influence emotions—both one’s own and those of others. EQ fosters trust, collaboration, and performance in leaders and the organizations they serve.EQ, like LQ, is a crucial element of leadership capacity and can be learned and developed in any leader’s practice.
This Thursday’s Leadership Insight focuses on the second element of leadership capacity, emotional Intelligence or EQ. The four essential components of EQ will be defined and described in leadership. Strategies will be shared that a leader at any stage can choose to learn and develop to enhance each element, and benefits of learning and developing EQ will be shared.
“The most effective leaders are alike in one crucial way: They all have a high degree of emotional intelligence.”
Daniel Goleman
Daniel Goleman, a pioneer in the field, identified four core components of emotional intelligence: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management.
These components and their significance for leadership are described below :
1. Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It involves recognizing and understanding your own emotions, thoughts, and values and how they influence your behavior. Leaders with strong self-awareness can:
Identify their emotional triggers.
Understand their strengths and weaknesses.
Reflect on their actions and decisions.
For example, a self-aware leader might notice feelings of frustration during a high-pressure meeting and consciously choose to pause before responding to ensure their reaction is constructive. This ability to monitor and adjust one’s emotions enhances decision-making and builds trust with team members
2. Self-Management
The second component of EQ builds on self-awareness; self-management refers to the ability to regulate emotions, maintain self-control, and adapt to changing circumstances. Leaders skilled in self-management can:
Stay calm under pressure.
Exhibit resilience in the face of challenges.
Maintain a positive outlook even during setbacks.
For instance, when facing a project delay, a leader with strong self-management skills might focus on problem-solving rather than succumbing to yelling, telling, blaming, or shaming. This emotional regulation not only sets a positive tone but also inspires confidence among team members
3. Social Awareness
The third component of EQ, social awareness, is a leader’s ability to empathize with others and understand their emotions, needs, and concerns. It also includes being attuned to organizational dynamics and cultural nuances. Leaders with high social awareness can:
Recognize unspoken feelings or tensions within a team.
Adapt communication styles based on individual or group needs.
Foster inclusivity by understanding diverse perspectives.
For example, an empathetic leader might notice that an employee is disengaged during meetings and take time to check in privately. By showing genuine concern, they create psychological safety and encourage open communication
4. Relationship Management
The fourth and final component of EQ is relationship management. Relationship management is the ability to use awareness of emotions (both personal and others’) to build strong relationships, resolve conflicts effectively, and inspire collaboration. Leaders proficient in this area can:
Motivate their teams toward shared goals.
Navigate difficult conversations with tact.
Build trust through clear communication and consistent actions.
For instance, during a team conflict, an emotionally intelligent leader might mediate by acknowledging each party’s perspective while steering the discussion toward solutions instead of blaming them.
In A February 2025 LinkedIn article by Michael Watkins, Seven Strategies for Developing Emotional Intelligence in Leaders, he writes,”. It is increasingly acknowledged as a defining trait of effective leadership. Leaders with high EQ navigate interpersonal challenges more smoothly, make better decisions under pressure, and foster psychologically safe and high-performing team environments. In contrast, those lacking emotional intelligence may struggle with communication, face high turnover rates within their teams, and find it challenging to promote collaboration.
However, many leaders, particularly those with strong technical backgrounds, struggle with crucial aspects of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, and interpersonal effectiveness. Developing these skills requires intentional effort and structured practice.”
Strategies to Enhance Emotional Intelligence in one’s Leadership practice include ;
1. Self-Awareness
1. Practice Reflective Journaling: Regularly document emotions and reactions to identify patterns and triggers.
2. Seek Constructive Feedback: Actively ask for input from peers and team members to uncover blind spots.
3. Engage in Mentoring or Coaching to expand self-awareness
A mentor and or coach can provide caring feedback and foster reflection to enhance learning and practice
4. Use Personality Assessments: Tools like DISC, Myers-Briggs, or The Six Working Genius can help leaders understand their strengths and areas for growth.
5. Set Personal Development Goals: Identify specific areas with a mentor, Coach, or accountability partner for improvement and track progress over time.
2. Self-Management
1. Develop Emotional Regulation Techniques: Use strategies like reframing challenges and focusing on solutions to manage stress.
2. Create a Stress Management Plan: Identify stressors and establish coping mechanisms, such as taking breaks or seeking support.
3. Develop and enhance communication skills.
Learning how to use a communication model of present listening, powerful, curious questions, pausing, and persistent practice will enhance self-management and other components of EQ.
4. Pause Before Reacting: Practice delaying responses in emotionally charged situations to ensure thoughtful decision-making.
5. Cultivate Optimism: Focus on positive outcomes and maintain resilience during setbacks.
3. Social Awareness
1. Practice Present Listening: Fully focus on others’ words without interrupting, ensuring they feel heard and understood.
2. Engage in Perspective-Taking Exercises: Consider others’ viewpoints to build empathy and inclusivity. Develop curiosity as a skill to look at a variety of perspectives.
3. 1. Observe Nonverbal Cues: Pay attention to clue body language, tone, and facial expressions to better understand emotions. Ask confirming questions, as mentioned in Charles Duhigg’s book Supercommunicators, to enhance communication and connection.
2. Participate in Diversity Training: Learn about cultural differences to enhance awareness of team dynamics. Choose to start or be involved with book studies or masterminds on generational diversity, such as Dr Tim Elmore’s A New Kind of Diversity, David Yeager’s 10 to 25 ,John Maxwell’s 16 Laws of Communication, or High Road Leadership.
5. Hold Regular One-on-One meetings and encourage reverse mentoring: A leader who creates opportunities for diverse groups of leaders and employees to share concerns and cross-mentor develops EQ and creates a safe place to spark discussion and innovation.
4. Relationship Management
1. Build Trust Through Transparency: Communicate openly about decisions and challenges to foster trust.
2. Provide Constructive Feedback with Empathy: Balance critique with appreciation to encourage growth without disparaging others.
3. Resolve Conflicts Calmly: Address disagreements by understanding emotional drivers and finding mutually beneficial solutions.
4. Celebrate Team Achievements: Recognize contributions to boost morale and strengthen relationships.
5. Tackle Difficult Conversations with Empathy First: Approach sensitive topics with understanding and care for the other person’s perspective. Develop what David Yaeger refers to in 10 to 25 as a Mentor Mindset, having high-level expectations and providing high-level support.
Benefits of High Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
For Leaders:
1. Improved Decision-Making: Leaders with high EQ make thoughtful choices under pressure by managing their emotions effectively and tapping the skills and resources of those they lead.
2. Enhanced Resilience: Emotionally intelligent leaders recover quickly from setbacks, maintaining focus on long-term goals. A 2024 report by McKinsey underscores the importance of empathetic leadership, highlighting its role in fostering clear communication and trust in digital environments
3. Stronger Leadership Presence: Leaders who develop and enhance their EQ foster authenticity, making leaders more relatable and inspiring trust.
For organizations with High Eq create :
1. Higher Employee Retention Rates: Gallup research shows employees are four times less likely to leave when led by emotionally intelligent managers.
2. Increased Team Productivity: McKinsey reports that teams led by high EQ leaders collaborate better, share innovative ideas, and perform at higher levels.
3. Positive Work Culture: High EQ leadership promotes psychological safety, inclusivity, and engagement, driving organizational success, as seen in Google’s Project Aristotle study.
By mastering emotional intelligence, leaders not only elevate their personal leadership effectiveness but also manage relationships that add value to those they lead. They also create thriving organizations where people feel valued, empowered, and inspired to excel. Leaders who choose to build people up, starting with themselves , then others, will get things done no matter the organization.
The leadership question you then ask is
1. Will you choose to commit to expanding your leadership capacity by learning and practicing being a high EQ Leader?