November 6, 2025
I had to teach myself to pause; I had to learn the art of pausing long enough to consider someone else’s feelings to gain insight into people.”Ryan Leak.How to work with Complicated People
In leadership, effective communication is the #1 concern of followers in any organization. In all communication, people want not to be heard but to be listened to, and powerful questions offer the possibility of significant and expanding learning. One skill that can help “Seals the Deal ” in powerful communication is difficult to learn, practice, and apply. The payoffs are significant for the leader and follower. That leadership communication skill is to pause and use silence. The ability to pause to use intentional silence can be transformative. This third pillar of effective communication is difficult to learn and practice as it contradicts many leaders’ conceptions of themselves as actors, doers, and quick problem solvers. In our fast-paced workplaces, the greatest communication power often lies not in what we say—but in our willingness to pause before we speak. The third pillar of effective communication, P.A.U.S.E., gives leaders the clarity to understand before reacting. As Stephen Covey taught, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” When leaders pause, they build trust, reduce conflict, and create space for authentic understanding. Yet, the pause is often neglected because urgency and perceived pressure tempt leaders to react quickly.
This Thursday’s Leadership Insight describes the often underutilized resource for boosting powerful communication, connection, engagement, and learning: silence — a P.A.U.S.E. to allow for response and reflection. The skill of using P.A.U.S.E. is described. Five strategies to strengthen one’s P.A.U.S.E. practice are described for immediate application to enhance any leader’s practice.
“Authentic connection comes from listening deeply and responding with intention, not haste.”
John Maxwell
Everyone Communicates, Few Connect
The Power of P.A.U.S.E.
P – Patiently and Persistently Listen Patience in listening means resisting the impulse to reply immediately. Persistent listening goes beyond hearing words—it means searching for meaning and emotion behind them. For example, when a team member vents frustration, a patient leader allows a moment of silence before responding. This often reveals the root issue—fear, confusion, or unmet expectations—that a quick reply might overlook.
A – Authentically Engage Authenticity turns a pause into presence. In moments of tension, an authentic response—”Help me understand what’s most important to you right now”—signals honesty and respect. Authenticity invites dialogue, not defense.
U – Use Silence Intentionally. Silence isn’t empty. It speaks of trust, thoughtfulness, and respect. Skillful leaders use silence to allow others to reflect, to let meaning emerge, or to demonstrate that the listener’s words truly matter. A short pause can shift a meeting from debate to discovery.
S – Show Empathy. Empathetic reflection bridges understanding and response. Leaders who pause to imagine others’ perspectives build psychological safety. A simple, “That must have been difficult for you,” communicates connection more than words of advice ever could.
E – Encourage Reflection and Growth. Pausing also helps leaders respond with encouragement rather than judgment. Taking even five seconds to reflect before responding can turn criticism into coaching. Encouragement transforms a tough conversation into a learning moment.
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Five Strategies to Strengthen Your P.A.U.S.E. Practice
- Count to Three Before Responding. A mentor of Mine, Perry Holley of Maxwell Leadership, refers to this as the 3-2-1 response model. This micro-pause increases clarity and reduces reactive replies.
- Take Reflective Notes in Conversations. Writing a few keywords before answering helps you slow down and organize your thoughts.
- Breathe Before You Speak. One intentional breath resets emotions and centers attention on understanding, not defending. Nicki Keohohuo of the direct selling World Alliance taught me to put a finger to my mouth while listening to remind me to listen and not talk.
- Ask a Clarifying Question. Replace reaction with curiosity. “Can you tell me more about what you’re hoping for?” builds mutual understanding.
- End Conversations with Reflection. Summarize what you heard before moving on. This reinforces understanding and models thoughtful communication.
When leaders practice P.A.U.S.E., they create environments of safety, trust, and authenticity. Great communication isn’t about speed; it’s about presence. The pause isn’t empty space; it’s the birthplace of understanding.
The Leadership questions for you then are;
1 Where in your communication this week could you use P.A.U.S.E. to create more understanding, empathy, or clarity?”
When was the last time you paused long enough to truly understand—before you responded to solve, defend, or direct?”