August 14, 2025

Leadership is an inside-out journey. It starts with developing self-leadership before you can build genuine, lasting connections with others in organizations and communities. Smart Leadership author Mark Miller calls this the daily choice to confront reality, build capacity, fuel curiosity, and create transformative change with the goal of building people up and getting things done.

“Therefore, as leaders, our primary development should be in emotional intelligence. We must be able to lead ourselves before thinking of how we lead others.”

Gabrielle Botetho

John Maxwell, founder of Maxwell Leadership, reminds us that “leadership is influence; nothing more, nothing less.” Maxwell also notes that great leaders ” know the way, show the way, and go the way. “At the recent Global Leadership Summit, Maxwell, who was recognized with the Lifetime Leadership Legacy Award, reminded all that ‘Everything rises and falls on leadership.” Hall of Fame, seven-time NCAA champion football coach Nick Saban echoed this, illustrating how practicing continual winning habits drives high-performance teams. When Saban noticed one of his star players, Derrick Henry, training in extreme 110-degree heat, he asked, “How are you doing?” Henry’s steady answer, “Glad to be here,” demonstrated that he had practiced self-management and composure, traits Saban intentionally modeled, knowing his players were always watching.

Both Saban and Maxwell’s remarks highlighted a teaching from Maxwell Leadership regarding the three fundamental questions of followers :

Do you care for me?
Can you help me?
Can I trust you?

These questions lie at the heart of emotionally intelligent leadership.

Leaders who excel in emotional intelligence bring four key capacities:

1. Self-Awareness: Recognizing your emotions and their influence.
2. Self-Management: Regulating those emotions and behaviors productively.
3. Social Awareness: Understanding others’ emotions with empathy.
4. Relationship Management: Building connections and navigating conflict constructively.

This Thursday’s Leadership Insight is the second article in a four-part series on the leadership capacity of emotional intelligence. This article defines the second pillar of emotional intelligence: self-management in leadership. Self-management is crucial for becoming an emotionally intelligent leader. Describes five practices of self-management in leadership and shares five strategies a leader can learn to develop their self-management skills in their leadership practice.

Both Gallup and the international consulting organization McKinsey and Co. describe self-management as the discipline to control your thoughts, feelings, and reactions even under pressure, which is at the core of impactful leadership. Gallup’s decades of research show that top-performing leaders are “attentive, self-aware, and disciplined,” all hallmarks of self-management. Gallup notes that only 13% of employees worldwide are actively engaged at work, but leaders who model self-leadership and emotional discipline foster teams with higher trust, lower stress, and elevated performance. McKinsey’s research echoes this: the firm’s leadership studies find that the most effective leaders focus on “managing personal effectiveness” before leading others, describing it as setting a vision, reflecting often, and investing in personal learning and growth.

Research further shows that:

Teams led by emotionally intelligent managers outperform others by 20–25%.
Employee engagement is four times higher when managers model self-management and EI behaviors.
Regular self-reflection, mindfulness practices, and setting purposeful goals are all proven, evidence-based methods for strengthening self-management in both Gallup and McKinsey’s frameworks.

Why Self-Management Matters for Leadership

Leaders frequently face ambiguity, high stakes, and stress. Without self-management:

Emotional volatility can erode trust and team stability.
Poor self-regulation damages relationships and credibility.
Organizational agility suffers.

Leaders who practice self-management, backed by Gallup and McKinsey data, are more adaptable, resilient, and trustworthy, and create teams that are more engaged, innovative, and productive.

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Five Practices of Self-Management

1. Practice pausing to choose your response to any situation: Momentarily step back when stressed, then act intentionally.
2. Stay anchored in your leadership core of values, purpose, motivation, and mindset. Make choices rooted in your guiding principles.
3. Proactively recognize and manage stress: Engaging in physical activity, maintaining healthy routines, and practicing mindfulness help regulate emotions.
4. Honor commitments: Do what you say you’ll do; reliability builds credibility.
5. Welcome feedback and adjust: Seek input to learn and adapt quickly.

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Five Strategies to Strengthen Self-Management as a Leader

1. Develop a personal and professional growth plan for self-management and share it as a model
2. Seek feedback, such as a 360 assessment, to regularly monitor your progress as seen by those you lead and beyond
3. Establish an accountability partnership: Invite colleagues or coaches to help spot your blind sides.
4. Develop practices of curiosity, humility, gratitude, and reflection
5. Use reflective journaling: Process challenging scenarios and plan your responses

Gabrielle Botetho’s article, “The Impact of Self-Management in Leadership,” in HR Exchange, effectively captures the essence of developing self-management, which expands one’s leadership capacity through emotional intelligence.

“A leader with these characteristics not only remains calm in times of adversity, but also is able to learn, change, and adjust along the way. They flourish and can deliver the best in a difficult situation. By mastering self-control and not letting their impulses dominate, the leader generates tranquility and trustworthiness in the team. In addition, to build trust, leaders must demonstrate conscientiousness and trustworthiness, which is only possible when the person is self-controlled. Therefore, as leaders, our primary development should be in emotional intelligence. We must be able to lead ourselves before thinking of how we lead others.”

As Gallup and McKinsey have both found, self-management is not simply a desirable leadership trait; it is the foundation for authentic influence, trust, and sustainable impact in any organization. Strengthening your self-management is a commitment to your growth and the well-being of everyone you lead.

The Leadership questions for you are

Which 1-2 strategies can you begin to practice to enhance your self-management?

Do you see the impact of self-management in your leadership practice?